Mothers of daughters

 I have reached a point where I just don't know what else to do. My daughter Diana has been receiving psychiatric and therapeutic treatment for some time, but progress has been slow. There are always periods when she withdraws a lot and is plagued by paranoid thoughts, which weigh heavily on her and have a significant impact on our lives.

She wanted to do an apprenticeship after school, started several programmes but didn't finish any of them and recently lost her job in a supermarket. Since then, she has been stuck at home. I see her withdrawing more and more into her room. She has almost no contact with anyone, hardly speaks to me or her father. I have the feeling that the outside world has become completely alien to her.

What weighs most heavily on me is her unpredictability. There are days when everything seems to be more or less okay. But then, often for seemingly trivial reasons, she erupts like a thunderstorm. She shouts, gets angry, slams doors. Soon her anger turns inward. She sinks into her own world of thoughts. Her reality is dominated by voices and images that are frighteningly real to her and plunge her into a state of fear and isolation. I don't know how to stop her. I don't even know if I can.

Over the last few weeks, she has told me about voices she claims to hear. She says these voices talk to her, sometimes even against her. It sounds like they're making her do things she doesn't want to do. It breaks my heart, but at the same time I don't know how to talk to her about it. I feel like I'm losing her more and more.

I wish she had something to hold on to. A job, a task, maybe even a routine. But I see how unstable she is and I wonder if that's even possible. At the same time, I feel guilty because sometimes I just want some peace and quiet. A break from the outbursts, from the constant worrying, from the constant lurking.

We have been advised to consider hospitalisation. Maybe that would help her. But I'm afraid to let her go. Afraid that she will withdraw even more from us. And yet I know it can't go on like this. I have no more strength to live like this, but I also have no more strength to give her up. And that's where I am now - somewhere between fear and helplessness, between anger and despair. I just hope there is another way that will help both of us.